FeetFloorGo

Gossip... AKA #DateFail

2012-01-30T20:17:00.003Z

Soooooo I may or may not have been on a few dates with someone. Don't know where it is going but we get on well and he is easy to talk to, lots in common etc. Plus he only lives a couple of miles away which is nice. Anyway, most of our 'dates' have involved walking the dog or something equally low-key, which suits me down to the ground. I am not a high maintenance girl who needs to be spoiled - I can spoil myself thank you very much. This Sunday we went to the cinema and had Chinese takeaway and watched Lord of the Rings, but last Sunday was a different story... This is the somewhat amusing part to my story.

He said he wanted to cook me dinner... sounds lovely, right? So we were texting that afternoon, decided on a time etc, then that evening I got myself ready (as in, took off the smelly baggy hoody and put on a reasonably presentable cardigan) and set off in my little car. Once I got to his place, I rang the doorbell... no answer. Rang his phone... no answer. Then I looked at the house and noticed there were no lights on. Sent a text message. Rang again. Sat in my car for 25 minutes. Nothing.

Rang Mutti. Said I was coming home. Not entirely sure what was going on at this point, but I thought that he seemed like a genuine guy and I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that something had happened and he'd had to help someone or something like that.

Went home and had a cup of tea. Suddenly my phone started going off like a crazy thing, and do you know what? He had fallen asleep for seven hours. On a Sunday afternoon. Lucky I have a good sense of humour, eh? He apologised A LOT and bought me flowers. Bless.

I reckon it can just be a funny story to repeat when I want to tease him. I am, however, still waiting for my home cooked meal.

A Little Bit of Music

2012-01-22T13:06:00.002Z

As I'm getting older I'm finding my musical tastes are changing. I'm definitely getting more mellow, and also a little bit more mainstream. At the beginning of my teenage years I would listen to Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls and Switchfoot, then late teens and early twenties at university I was into Green Day, Yellowcard, Lostprophets and anything with heavy guitar. Now I find myself loving Mumford and Sons, The Naked and Famous, and Ellie Goulding. I thought I would share with you some of my recent loves.

It's hard to believe with a voice this haunting that this girl is only 15.

This album is brilliant. Also, I love Rupert Grint.

And... Becoming completely mainstream, a little bit of Jessie J. She has got a serious set of pipes on her!!

Want vs Need

2012-01-15T20:37:00.002Z

I've been thinking about the difference between wanting things, and actually needing them, quite a lot recently. Not sure why. There are a lot of things on my wish list. A house, a car, a Kindle, clothes from Joules, a new camera lens, a digital radio, new furniture... but you know, how many of those things do I actually need right now?

I want a house... I don't particularly need one. I have a roof over my head, with heating and food and as many cups of tea as a girl can drink. I want to move out, and I suppose on some level I do need to move out to progress in life and love, but that is a different kind of need; it's not immediate.

I want a new car. I have a nice little car I've owned since I was eighteen; it's economical, it's good for nipping round little country lanes on my way to work, and it's good for parking in the ridiculously small spaces in this country. But smallness counts against it too... There's no room for Louis, and when someone sits in the front seat I often touch their knee when I go for the gear stick. But, I can live with these things. I don't particularly need a new car.

I want a Kindle. Advertising tells me I want one and that it will make my life better. But I LOVE books. I dream of when I buy that house that I want and can have an entire wall of books. I love going to charity shops and jumble sales and buying books for 20p, knowing they have a history and that the paper can tell me more than the words written on it.

And all the other things... will they actually make my life better? Will I be happier? Probably not. Sure, it would be nice to have a wide range of clothes that make me look fabulous, but to be honest, at work I kneel in mud and put my hands in animal poo so I definitely do not need fancy things, and at home I lounge around or walk the dog, again getting covered in mud. I have eighteen dresses in my wardrobe, and I haven't worn many of those recently. I don't really need anything fancy.

In some ways, my ability to separate my wants and needs has helped me a great deal in recent years. I never would have saved so much money if I had to have the latest fashions. I wouldn't have been able to come out of university with so little student debt. But then, there's the other side. I feel like a total Scrooge. Today I bought an electric toothbrush. I have been looking at it on Amazon for at least a month, feeling guilty for wanting to press the purchase button, and feeling guilty for not doing it. And this was something I actually needed!! (My old one is dying a painful death).

So I suppose I need to find balance. And I think that's what 2012 will be about. Balancing the wanting and the needing, because while it's good to make sensible decisions about money, sometimes you need to just say to hell with it all and buy something that makes you feel good. Balancing the work time and the relaxing time... I want to relax but sometimes (most of the time) I need to get work done. And balancing the me time and the sharing the love time. I love being alone with myself, and I have a pretty good idea of who I am and how I will react because of it, but I need to invest more time in friends, family, and potential love interests.

Balance is my 2012 watchword. Watch this space.

I'm Like A Tree

2011-11-27T17:19:00.005Z

So I'm still steadfastly and stubbornly avoiding the absolutely massive pile of marking that's giving me the evil eye... But I suppose I should mark it soon or I'll get in trouble. Until then, lets blog!!

For about a year I have been religiously checking RightMove every.single.day. to find me a house. I have saved about 80% of my pay from the past couple of years. I follow lots of house blogs. I watch too many property programmes on TV. And now... I think I've found a house.

But I'm scared. Scared to borrow so much money. Scared to take on such a huge responsibility all by myself. How will I ever be mature enough to do it all? My attitude to anything I don't want to do is to stick my head in the sand and ignore things until they go away (please see first paragraph).

On the other hand, I am massively excited. There is a whole new chapter of my life out there if I can be brave enough. How exciting it would be to stand in a house and say 'I own this!'? To put my own stamp on somewhere, to make it mine?

I saw this house on the internet and dismissed it pretty much instantly because of where it is. What can I say, I'm a postcode snob. But then Vati mentioned it to me, so I looked at it online, then was brave enough to arrange a viewing, went with Vati to see it, liked it, thought about it for about six weeks, and went again yesterday with Mutti. It's been a long process.

Mutti is very sad that I am wanting to move out. I know she wants me to grow up and be happy and experience life, but I'm also still very much her little girl, far more than I am her grown up daughter. Mutti said to me that she is looking at the whole situation like I am a tree, and this is a branch of my life, but that my roots will always be here. I quite like that analogy.

Routine

2011-11-15T21:27:00.005Z

My life seems to have fallen into a routine lately. Sleep a lot. Go to work. Ignore the assignments I have to mark. Ignore lesson planning. Lust over houses. Drink tea. Sleep a lot. Go to work... You get the picture.

I went on a bad date a few weekends ago. Everything I said, he thought the opposite. Or everything he said, I thought the opposite. For example:

Me: So where do you see yourself living in the future?
Him: I'd like to live in London.
Me: Oh, I could never live there, I'd miss the countryside too much.

Him: What movies do you like?
Me (trying to not nerd him out when we'd only just met): Shawshank Redemption, Bourne Trilogy, Lord of the Rings. Forrest Gump etc.
Him: I like romcoms.

Me: So how long have you been in your job?
Him: A few months, but I've failed my probation so I've got to leave.
Me: Right...

It was never going to be a successful relationship, but for some reason he thought it would be great to go out again. Um, no.

Today I went on a field trip to the Fens. The Fens are a flat, marshy area where people are inbred and have webbed feet. Only joking. Kind of. We went to a nature reserve to see some wild ponies, but it ended up being a bit of a waste as they were miles away and the guy who organised it didnt realise we weren't allowed in that part of the reserve. Never mind. It was bright and sunny but a little bit chilly. I took a couple of photographs.

Back at work (on Saturday actually) I took some pictures of my favourite animals, capybara. The pictures I liked best were actually the ones where you can only see a part of their body.

I think I has got mad photog skillz.

A Rock 'n' Roll Friday Night

2011-10-28T21:36:00.005+01:00

We were never that into Hallowe'en when I was little. It's nowhere near as big in the UK as it is in the US. I don't remember dressing up all that often, and I was never allowed to go Trick or Treating (my parents said it was as bad as begging). We never even had a pumpkin until I was about 13 and begged Mutti to buy me one.

I got a bit more into it when I went to university, having dressing up parties quite often anyway. But my pumpkin carving skills have always been somewhat lacking. Mutti reminded me I have trouble carving simple triangles for eyes. She's not wrong. But I decided, this year would be my year!

I had a few ideas for my ambitious project from Googling and Pinterest, and settled on a subject close to my heart. I found a stencil online, and traced it onto paper.

Then I washed my pumpkin and prepared my work area.

Then I cut out my template and put it up against the pumpkin, and drew over the lines again in pencil to create the outline on the pumpkin.

Then I spent about two hours cutting and chiseling. My fingers hurt, but it was so worth it. Even my brother said he could tell what it was.

I'm more than a little bit geeky, and more than a little bit proud.

It's been a while

2011-09-27T20:43:00.013+01:00

I'm struggling to find a reason why I blog. I can't blog about babies or marriage, I don't know much about fashion or makeup, I'm not creative or crafty, I don't cook, I don't have a home to renovate/decorate, I can't talk about work, I don't do anything exciting, and I don't have any profound thoughts on life and the universe (but I find blogs that do post about self improvement to be a little bit ridiculous, personally). I don't know. Time passes and I have nothing to write about, and I'm a little bit sorry about it all.

I had a long hard talk with myself the other day. I feel like I've been a bit of shit person really. I'm definitely a bad friend. I don't bother to keep up with people and wonder why they don't keep up with me. I've resolved to be better.

So, the internet is full of the news that, apparently, it's autumn! Our summer was over far too long ago and far too quickly (I think I wore shorts for a maximum of four days this year... pretty chilly!), but a couple of weeks ago we had a mini heatwave. It was nice to have a short burst of warmth before busting out the layers of hoodies and my favourite body warmer last week. During our heatwave I enjoyed some incredible sunsets on my drive home from work, but I never managed to get any good photographs. I raced out with the dog down the park but by the time I got there the sun had always disappeared, although it did leave us with a lovely pink glow to the evenings.

I do seem to have been pretty busy over the past few weekends though. In the height of our heatwave I had to spend a whole Saturday at the University for induction, which was completely boring and pointless and a waste of a good Saturday. Then on the Sunday two porcupines escaped so I had another trek to work to round them up. Some weekend. I managed to find an hour to sit out on the lawn with a blanket in the sun, and took some pictures of my muse.

I know dogs aren't supposed to eat wood, but he does spit it all out. He carried that log around for ages.

Last weekend featured a work meal and drinks (lovely times with lovely people), lunch with the grandparents, a trip to the village jumble sale for my books to get through this winter, and the village Apple Day, which was really good. The cider there was amazing; Mutti and I were a bit tipsy walking home. This weekend involved looking at a house with Vati, and a friend's flatwarming party and trip to the pub afterwards. I really am getting too old to dance all night. The kids seem to be getting younger and younger in pubs these days. I swear they look about 12, but they must be 18 because they're a lot tighter on ID now than when I was younger...

And, to finish, a self portrait.

What to do?

2011-09-18T15:33:00.003+01:00

So, we all I know I occasionally peruse the old internet dating sites, right? A couple of weeks ago I came across a familiar face. I don't know this guy personally, but I went to school with his girlfriend and she is my friend on Facebook. Unfortunately, she is one of these people that posts entirely too much personal information about her health/family/weight loss/love life, as well as a lot of pictures of her and her boyfriend in the traditional 'self-taken picture' pose. So yeah, I've seen a lot of pictures of this guy, and there he is on a dating website.

No worries, it was probably an old profile, right? Uh no, he had been online that day. Maybe he logged in just for kicks? Nope, everytime I have been online in the past couple of weeks he has also been online that day. He's serious.

I went out for dinner with some friends the other night and mentioned this. Obviously we all agreed it was horrible and he's a bit of a bastard. But what should I do? Part of me was seriously tempted to send him a message. One of my friends said I should tell the girlfriend. She said that if someone she was seeing was going behind her back and possibly seeing other girls, she'd want to know about it. And I can see where she's coming from. Deception sucks. But I am sooo not the type of person to destroy someone's life like that, and this would be seriously soul destroying for this poor girl - she is completely head over heels.

If you were in this situation, what would you do? Nothing? I mean, technically, it's none of my business. But would you want to know if it was your boyfriend? I am tempted to let it be, it'll work itself out, but then the girlfriend goes and joins stupid groups like this on Facebook and I feel gutted for her. Sad times.

All of August

2011-08-28T17:09:00.006+01:00

Well, August is almost over. I feel like time is relative to how old we are, and the older we get the faster and faster it will pass. I had three weeks off in August. Three!! And they were three wonderful weeks, filled with road trips and friends and lie ins and shopping. I've been pretty naughty and spent a whoooooole lot of money that was in my house deposit fund. But as Mutti said, once I have a mortgage I won't be able to afford anything nice for myself, so I may as well get a few things now. I bought this, this, this, these and some other things that I 'needed', such as mascara and jeans (my favourite pair that I got in New Zealand finally wore out. Bad times). But I'm not a big spender normally so I don't feel guilty. However I am exercising all my personal restraint in not not buying a Kindle.

I'm looking at houses but it's so scary. Houses in the UK are a lot different to houses in the USA, let me tell you that! We are a small country with eleventy billion people, and space is at a definite premium. For my budget, I can get a mouldy, manky, teeny tiny two bedroom terraced house with no parking/garden and a kitchen the size of a postage stamp in an area high in crime. Just for fun and to make myself depressed I converted my budget into USD and looked up houses for that price in various states. I kind of wanted to cry.

But still, I will be buying a house and moving out this year. I have decided. I will not be one of those sad people in their late twenties still living at home. I've turned 24 now, and it's time to grow the fuck up. I've started tidying my room every day to stay on top of it. I'm making my bed - cushions and all - before leaving for work. I rearranged my bedroom furniture recently and I feel so much better now -happier. Maybe there is something to this feng shui stuff or whatever it is. I feel more peaceful.

I'm trying not to say stupid things at work, trying to be more assertive and to get on with things. I've spent time planning and preparing for the next academic year. I've started sorting out paperwork. I had a training course at work so I can drive students around. And, big news, I'm enrolling at university. I'm going to do a Post-Graduate Certificate in Education. It's a two year evening course and I'm fully prepared for it to be hell. But what with the government increasing university fees it makes sense to do it now, rather than wait for next year when it will be about 4 times as expensive.

So, I'm trying to enter the next stage of the year or my life or whatever, with slighty more poise, grace, style, smarts and organisation than before. Fingers crossed!

Oh, and this has been the soundtrack to my August.

And another Oh, I just wanted to share how I spent my Wednesday night last week.

That is all.

Anarchy

2011-08-08T21:42:00.002+01:00

Tonight, I feel like I live in a war zone.

My best friend rang me in tears because to get home from work she had to run through massive gangs of youths after her train station was closed and police sealed off the town centre. So she took off her shoes and ran.

There is no need for this!! What are these people trying to prove!!

Our soldiers are dying trying to protect our country and some little shits are destroying it from the inside. Because they are bored. There isn't even a reason for this any more! They can't pretend it's a protest any more: it's full on senseless violence.

Buildings that survived the Second World War have been burned to the ground by teenagers.

I am so angry and sad for my country. We have gone terribly wrong somewhere.

Change

2011-08-02T20:34:00.003+01:00

I don't like change. I like routine, I like things to stay the same.

But it's just not possible, is it? People are continuously moving, and our actions create change, whether we like it or not. Change is the one guaranteed thing in our lives, the one constant. Kind of funny, isn't it? The only thing we can actually depend on being true is the one thing that is so fluid we can never really touch it. To resist change is impossible; no one can stop it.

Today one of my co-workers, who I work really closely with and actually heavily rely on, found out she got a new job. She's been in her current job for about 12 years, so she's part of the furniture really. I just felt SO down, like she's abandoning me, and the rest of our small, but close, team. Like, why would she want to leave? Now we're going to have to get a new member of the team and what if they're completely useless and annoying?

Seriously, how selfish am I? I wasn't even happy that my friend is doing something new, something that will make her happy. But I thought about it for a minute... or, all afternoon. I put my feelings to the side and thought about it rationally. 1) She's not even leaving, really... she's actually only moving to another team within the same business, so I'm sure she'll be visiting our office all the time. 2) People that leave have a nasty habit of hanging around... I actually know the guy who's job I took over quite well now because he comes back all the time! And there are other people who have left that I never worked with, but who I know because almost every week they pop round one evening before home time. 3) This is definitely an opportunity for me to step up and prove my worth. I'm gonna have to lead a hell of a lot more now.

So I congratulated her. It means big change for everyone, but who's to say all change is bad? It's hard, but we've got to embrace it, or we all fail.

We had a road trip today to a zoo. Some stupid woman let her children rip branches off a tree and feed them to a giraffe. PEOPLE: DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS. Anyway, although we were annoyed, we got some good photos.

Also, I am completely in love with this video. Just stunning.

Summer Days, Drifting Away

2011-07-21T15:16:00.005+01:00

I have had a few days off this week, as it was my birthday on Monday. Mutti and Vati bought me a big box of Liz Earle products - my favourite. I spent a lot of Monday not doing a lot other than pampering myself. My Nan and her husband visited, and then in the afternoon two of my friends from university came up to visit for a few hours. We went to Toby Carvery and chatted and drank Kopparberg and ate a great array of potatoes.

Tuesday was just me and the dog. I got up and put on my trusty walking boots.

These bad boys have been on many journeys with me over the past ten years. They have been all over the country and even further!! Yes, they accompanied me to Australia. They may not be the prettiest of boots, but they are definitely comfortable and, more importantly, waterproof.

Then I told the happy dog that we were going on walkies!! Good times.

We went on a long walk out of the village through the fields. It had been a long time since I last walked this way, and there is some beautiful countryside right on my doorstep. I am so lucky to call this green and pleasant land my own.

Mind you, it's not so green at the moment. It's almost harvest time.

We stumbled across this old cottage. Now it's owned by nature, and local yobs.

And finally, we reached our destination. This old windmill. It felt like we had walked for miles and miles. Time for a rest, said Louis.

Of course, we then had to walk all the way home! The weather couldn't make it's mind up all day, it had been going from breezy to grey to brilliant sunshine, but then just as we got home it poured it down!! Lucky.

Back at work yesterday to say goodbye to the School Kids that come on day-release once a week. Not fair that they continue to come over a month after the full time students went on their summer break. Never mind, we now have two months until teaching starts again. Got soaked in the afternoon due to a water trough mishap, then mud up to my armpit trying to find an underground tap that doesn't exist.

Went and saw Harry Potter last night too. Daniel Radcliffe failed to act for more than about 30 seconds, but I didn't have very high hopes. I think I featured in the movie more than Dumbledore's back story did. And no one could spare a line to announce Tonks had given birth. As a movie, it wasn't bad. As an adaptation of the books that made my childhood, it failed.

Bits & Pieces

2011-07-15T19:32:00.004+01:00

You know when you've been busy, but then there are also long stretches where you don't do anything but still seem tired? That's my life at the moment.

My knee is back to normal size, but is very clicky and I still can't bend it all the way in to sit cross-legged, which annoys me. But I'm still getting bad cramp in my calf. The massive bruise I had on the side of my leg is working it's way out of the manky yellow stage, which is progress.
Talking of progress, last weekend I went to LondonTown to see Take That on their Progress tour at Wembley. It was awwwwwweeesome!!! They are totally my favourite manband. They played their classic songs from the early 90's, and then their amazing comeback songs from the past few years. They have some seriously good songs! I got me some amazing sunglasses too. I have been wearing them everywhere. Stayed the night with my friend at her flat and we just spent 2 days buzzing!! Pictures:

I have handed in my portfolio for my teacher training course. It was painful. Of course I left it all to the last minute and had some late nights this week, but it's in now. Thank Merlin.
I like work. I like the people I work with. I occasionally even socialise with them now. We laugh. They take the mickey out of me. I feel included.
Tonight I am going to sleep for about eleventy billion years. I have the bubonic plague, and combined with the aforementioned late nights, this leads to me feeling exhausted!! My birthday week of fun starts tomorrow, so I want to be well rested.

That's about all. What have you been up to?

ABC Game

2011-07-13T23:31:00.003+01:00

A. Age: 23... but 24 in 4 days!
B. Bed size: King. To myself.

C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning my car... it gets messy so quickly with mud and straw and hay from work.

D. Dogs: Obviously I have my Louis.

E. Essential start to your day: Coco Pops or the supermarket equivalent.

F. Favorite color: Blue or green
G. Gold or Silver: I like both! Gold in summer, silver in winter.
H. Height: 5'4

I. Instruments you play: At school I played the clarinet, piano and recorder.

J. Job title: Instructor - Animal Care

K. Kids: None. Someday. Maybe. Perhaps.
L. Live: Ingerland
M. Mother's name: Karen
N. Nicknames: Rob, Robs, Robro, Robbie
O. Overnight hospital stays: None!
P. Pet peeve: When toothpaste gets left around the cap
Q. Quote from a movie: Come the fuck on, Bridget
R. Right or left handed: Righty
S. Siblings: One younger brother
T. Time you wake up: Weekdays about 7, weekends about 10-11 haha.
U. Underwear: Definitely
V. Vegetable you hate: Celery, cucumber
W. What makes you run late: I tend to stand around and stare into space, thinking.
X. X-Rays you've had: Teeth at age 13, and my knee 2 weeks ago.
Y. Yummy food that you make: I don't really make much food... I accidentally made some amazing chocolate brownies once by following an American recipe and getting ridiculously confused with 'cups'. Seriously, what are cups? Just use grams!!!
Z. Zoo animal: Too many to list. All animals are amazing.

I had a little accident

2011-06-30T22:36:00.004+01:00

A goat at work with aggression issues rammed itself into my knee. It fricking hurt! I limped around for a day but it was taking me half an hour to get anywhere and I had to go up stairs on my bum! Ugly photo of my legs below:

Guess which knee it is?

So anyway I turned up at work today and everyone was horrified and convinced me to go to A&E (that's Accident and Emergency, like ER). I waited for aaaaages and some pillock ran over my foot with his buggy with a child in. Then I limped off to be examined, then after that I limped off to be x-rayed, and as I was clutching the wall for support someone open a door onto my knee. Ahhhh it was a good day. Anyway, nothing was broken, I just have swelling that makes my leg look like it belongs to an elephant.

Oh, and this is my new best friend. I've named him Sticky, the walking stick. How much do I feel about 80 years old? And how much are people at work going to rip it out of me tomorrow? HA.

Adventures in Internet Dating, Part Two

2011-06-17T23:02:00.002+01:00

Also titled: Having standards, or just being fussy?

So yeah, I had a little break from internet dating; things were just ridiculous at work and with my evening college course I had no time or energy. But the academic year is winding down, so now seems as good a time as ever to get back in the game, as it were.

But there is a problem, a flaw in my plan. There are just NO men that I feel inclined to email. I just don't find their profiles, um... appealing, I suppose. I do have criteria that men have to meet. They must have a car; there is no way I am going to be taxi person and spend all my money driving to and fro. Which brings me to point number two, they must live within a 20-30 min drive. Again, I have neither the time nor money to waste driving my entire life.* And agewise, I like them to be my age or up to about 8 years older.

Then the profiles... you must follow the rules whereby you only date people of a similar level of attractiveness to yourself. I'm not going to go for a pretty boy, or for some gangsta. Ideally the guy should be able to type coherently in full sentences with no text speak (although I am willing to overlook the odd spelling mistake or two... nobody's perfect after all. But definitely no more than that). And, the most disturbing thing of all, I am finding more and more boys I went to school with on these sites. Not in itself disturbing, you would think. But I know what these guys are like, word gets around, and I know some of them are on drugs and have cheated in the past. And they have good profiles, saying all the right things that normally would make me think perhaps they were worth a 'wink'. So knowing that these nice profiles belong to scoundrels, it makes me wonder what all the other men on these sites are like :-(

I sometimes wonder if I am too picky, stuck up, or insecure. I'm constantly torn between wanting to take a chance on some people, and thinking I should just stick to looking out for what I want, which is incidentally what lots of other women are looking for.

A few months ago I saw the film Up In The Air, and found it moderately enjoyable. But one exchange stuck with me:

Natalie Keener: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?

Alex Goran: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.

Natalie Keener: Wow. That was depressing

Urgh, I guess I'll just keep going!

*I know some people wouldn't consider driving to build/maintain a relationship a waste of time, but I really have very little time to spare, what with the dog, the job, the responsibilities that come with the job (marking, prepping, general paperwork that I can't complete in working hours), the college course, the family, and the friends.

What's in my bag?

2011-06-11T15:30:00.004+01:00

I have been inspired by Rhiannon over at my new favourite blog, Her Three Birds, to share the contents of my bag. Everybody in my office laughs at me as well, because I can never find anything when I need it, and we had a good old laugh about it yesterday when I had to empty the whole thing to find my keys to go home.

This is the bag I take to work.

1. Drinks bottle - always have a bottle of water/juice, especially now it's getter hotter! 2. Purse... my loose change and cards and receipts live here. 3. Fruit left over from this week at work. 4. Staff badge. 5. Pills for headache/sinus. I rarely use them, but we share painkillers in the office. Each of us has something different for emergencies. 6. Vaseline. I really don't know why I'm carting around two of the same thing. 7. Hand cream. I use my hands a lot, and they get very dry. 8. USB memory sticks and multi-card reader. Very important. 9. Phone. HTC Desire S. 10. Pens. 11. Hairbrush. 12. Address book. Rarely used, not really sure why I carry it around. 13. Socks. Always need an extra pair of socks for work. 14. Point & shoot camera. Some sort of Fujifilm model. 15. Keys, complete with Indiana Jones and Darth Vader lego characters.

So that's it! How about you?

Beautiful world

2011-05-31T21:29:00.002+01:00

I have made it a resolution and a mission to find something beautiful in every day. Most days I achieve this before I get to work - a benefit of working in the middle of nowhere. Stunning sunrises, the natural beauty of a gaggle of geese flying in a 'V' above the car, a horse in cantering in the field as I pass...

I have also made it a mission to document as much of life as possible. I have been snapping away on my point-and-shoot, my dslr and my phone. With... average results. This week I am in town on a course (chances of beauty limited), but luckily tonight was agility night. I took these on my phone on the journey (don't worry, I wasn't driving).

But the best part of the evening was the eight-week old puppy I got to cuddle. I tried to steal her, but alas, no luck.

Cuuuuuuuuute!!!

Weekend Activity

2011-05-23T19:31:00.003+01:00

Last week Mutti and Vati took the dog on a walking holiday. When they got back, he was stinking. It was vaguely warmish outside, so I decided he should have a bath.

He looks like a 2 legged dog!

Normally he hates being bathed, but he didn't run away nearly as much as last time, and he was still my friend afterwards!

The best part of bathing him is watching him roll around on the lawn afterwards.

I only had a one day weekend as I had to work Sunday :( But I made sure I enjoyed that one day. Bonded with my dog, read in the sunshine, watched Britain's Got Talent, and did no work whatsoever. After this week, it's half term! And then three weeks until the end of the academic year. Hooray!

On Being Proud

2011-05-08T21:46:00.005+01:00

I think everyone knows about the wedding of the century that took place last Friday. I was totally there, in Hyde Park, sobbing my little heart out. We don't really have much of a chance in the UK to celebrate; we're all too busy being stressed and being poor. But this was a fantastic day... it was all about what it means to be British. The history, the unity, the city, being with the people you love... it was just the best, best day ever. I was up at 5, on my way to the Underground at 6 and in the park around 7.30. It was cold and grey, but we had cocktail sausages and mini scotch eggs and doritos and dip and celebratory chocolate biscuits and bucks fizz, and then the sun burst out just as the ceremony began. I have never seen so many Union Jacks.

They showered confetti on us.

And the Lancaster Bomber, a Spitfire and a Hurricane flew over.

Afterwards we made our way to Buckingham Palace and had the best ice cream ever in the afternoon heat.

This is my country, and a day I'll never forget.

Road Trip

2011-04-13T20:06:00.006+01:00

Today I went on a road trip (for work purposes). But we got to see some cool animals. I acted as sat nav and map reader and did a sterling job... even finding a shortcut. However, I will admit my sat nav impression got old pretty quick. Bing bing, recalculating. Photos aren't that great as they're on my phone.

Snow leopard, just chilling.

Burmese python, literally as thick as my waist. The thing was huuuuuuuuge.

Asian short-clawed otters, the purpose of our visit. We had to collect one.

She made friends with our one back at work very quickly! Happy families, we hope.

Lazy days

2011-04-09T18:33:00.012+01:00

The weather this week has been brilliant. Do you know what else is brilliant? It's the Easter Holidays!!! Time to relax. Today I was up at the crack of midday, had lunch for breakfast and ran into town with Mutti. We mosied around and chose her some new glasses but didn't buy anything! For the rest of the afternoon this was my view:

I put a blanket on the lawn and read my book for a few hours.

It was too hot for Louis so he sat in the shade. Took him for walkies when the sun started going down.

Happy Saturday!

My pile of marking!

2011-02-19T15:02:00.004Z

Happy half term!! Who wants to do my marking for me?

Times is hard

2011-02-14T19:45:00.002Z

Since lessons started up at work after Christmas things have been very hard. We've been hit by massive budget cuts, delays in our big new development, inspections from every important department in the college, university and government, I've had scary observations, ridiculous amounts of marking, horrid children to teach, and too much work to do for my own college course. I've been staying awake until stupid o'clock most week nights to get all my work done, followed by sleeping 12 hours straight Friday and Saturday nights.

Last week there was a change in the water. Things are still busy and stressful, but all of a sudden things don't look quite as bleak anymore. I don't know if it's due to the sunshine we've been having, or the increase in temperatures, or the fast approaching half-term break, but I'm feeling a lot more upbeat, and I think everyone in the office is too. I like my work, I really do!

Now the weather is a bit nicer I'm looking forward to taking some nice photographs on my camera, looking forward to seeing my uni friends for a weekend, going to the theatre in Londontown with Mutti, maybe looking at houses, and just generally feeling more proactive!

2011-02-12T22:28:00.000Z

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Assumptions

2011-01-24T22:59:00.002Z

I had a great childhood. I was loved, clean, fed, encouraged to do and be whatever I wanted, I wasn't spoiled, I lived by rules and expectations, but in return I was trusted and given amazing opportunities. It wasn't perfect, by any means; I had issues and I was bullied mercilessly for years (something I'm still not over). But looking back now, my parents gave me a wonderful childhood.

I think, until recently, I have lived in something of a bubble. I know that not everyone had the same experiences as me growing up, but fuck me I did not know things could be as bad as they are for some people, and that it is so common.

The kids that I teach... they have so many problems. Kids with parents with terminal illnesses that means they will drop out and give up their future to spend the last few months with their mother. Kids whose mother is in a mental institution. Kids who come home to find their younger siblings cleaning up after a parents most recent suicide attempt. Kids who attempt suicide on campus. Kids who grew up in and out of care. Adopted kids with a chip on their shoulder. Full time carers that can't meet their attendance requirements. Kids working 2 jobs and doing something illegal on the side to make sure their siblings get fed. Kids whose parents couldn't give a shit about them, and don't even care when they don't come home for a few days. God, it breaks my heart.

And I just assumed everyone was loved, like I was.

You want to help them, but the issues they face means their attendance is poor, they act out because of frustration over situations they can't control, they can barely read or write... It seems so hopeless. Fighting a losing battle. It's not going to get better. What can you do? I'm seriously asking, what can you do?

Pro-life groups need to experience what I have experienced, and then tell me a child deserves to be brought into this shit. It makes me sad.

I'm going to assume a lot less from now on.

Twenty Ten

2010-12-26T19:49:00.004Z

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? Went on a hen weekend. Probably lots of things, but nothing monumental. Wrestled coatis quite a lot.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Well, I set goals. I met some of those goals, and I will set more/continue the same ones. Lets see from last year:

Have at least £5000 in savings. DONE.
Decide on a career path. Well I stumbled quite accidentally into a career that I do quite enjoy.
Say yes to more things and take as many opportunities as possible. Somewhat
Decorate my room. Well, it got painted and reorganised. I still need new furniture.
Continue on my path to being more girly and grown up. I'd say so. I now own 16 dresses.
Do something that scares me. Got my eyes lasered. Quite terrifying.
Respect myself. Little bit.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No

4. Did anyone close to you die? My Grandpa died in January.

5. What countries did you visit? Spain

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A step on the property ladder.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Monday 12th April - when I started my new job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? My job.

9. What was your biggest failure? Laziness

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well I spent a stupid amount of money getting my eyes lasered.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Some friends. My parents.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Some other friends.

14. Where did most of your money go? Well... the aforementioned laser eyes. I bought a new laptop, spent some money on fixing my car. Gave lots of money to my parents for rent. Went on the hen weekend. Tax man, pension man and student loan man took a lot of my money too. The rest is in the bank.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I get really excited on a weekly basis.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Take That - The Flood

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.

(b) Thinner or Fatter? The same

(c) Richer or Poorer? RIIIIIIIIICHER

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Being active

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Wallowing.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2010? At home with Mutti, Vati, my brother, nan and nan's husband.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Nope.

22. How many one-night stands? None.

23. What was your favorite TV program? No idea.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope.

25. What was the best book you read? I read constantly... I have no idea what was the best though.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Mumford and Sons.

27. What did you want and get? A career.

28. What did you want and not get? A new phone... a holiday, a foot on the property ladder

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Although it was technically released last year, I only went to see it this year, so Avatar.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 23, and some friends from uni came to stay with me, and we went down to my towns festival and then I drove them out to look at the animals at work.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Independence.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? More girly than ever before, yet also more countryfied.

33. What kept you sane? ...Fanfiction

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Phil Spencer

35. What political issue stirred you the most? General Election!

36. Who did you miss? People who have moved away.

37. Who was the best new person you met? A couple of people from work.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Hard work and respect.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Just go and listen to Mumford and Son's' album for the answer to this.

40. What are your resolutions for 2011? Last year I set goals rather than resolutions, and it worked better than ever before. So I shall do the same now.

Continue saving
Get a foot on that damn property ladder
Plan ahead.
Be less lazy and more proactive
Do something that scares me
Be less annoying for people at work
Smile
Respect myself

Back To Skool

2010-09-03T20:55:00.002+01:00

Life without students is wonderful. Peaceful days are broken by cups of tea and visits to other departments that aren't strictly speaking necessary, and longs breaks become even longer due to the boss' new puppy and the fact that having the cat on your lap means you can't possibly get out of the chair to go and do some actual work.

When we do work, we have the radio on loudly (I was singing along today, only for my boss to come in and tell me he thought a goat had escaped. Thanks a lot.) and we do things thoroughly, helping each other and laughing. Mad things happen, and become great stories. There are no assignments to mark. Evenings are free. We aren't stressed. We are united as a team (apart from the annoying girl).

Now the kids have come trickling back. Some groups started this week, some next, and some the week after that. Back to having bags everywhere, back to reminding people about health and safety, back to pretending to being prepared. Lessons must be planned in the evenings. My own college evening course starts in three weeks (I have been seduced into buying an Oxford Notebook... it does make me feel intelligent). I will be tired, we will despair when kids call animals the wrong species, they will tell us they have done something when they clearly haven't, but they will make us laugh, there will be banter, and some of these kids can produce brilliant work on animals they are obsessed with (boys and reptiles... why do they love them so?).

We all hate it, but we wouldn't be there if we didn't love it as well.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I think there's something wrong with me...

2010-08-14T23:26:00.002+01:00

I can't be in a relationship.

I get to the same point everytime. We've been on a few dates, done some interesting things, had some good chats etc etc nudge nudge wink wink, and then I lose all interest. I just can't be bothered anymore. It's like, it's too much effort. Part of me thinks I should just know if something's right and worth putting effort into, rather than continuing with something I have no connection to.

I know no one's going to be completely perfect. But there is so much wrong with everyone I find, maybe it's me that has the problem?

Perhaps I'm mad to keep repeating this cycle. But am I mad to wait until I meet a guy who gives me goosebumps and who I literally cannot wait to see again? I know this is possible... I've heard stories. Why bother with something just because it's something? Or am I just a cold hearted bitch? And yes, someone did actually once describe me as being just that (not a bloke, though).

How do some people find it so easy to meet people and flirt etc? My friend who became single two months ago has four blokes that regularly text her and she can attract anyone anywhere. I know I'm never going to have four men after me at one time, but my self confidence is a damn sight better than it was a couple of years ago, and now I actually bother about what I wear and do my hair and makeup and walk with my head high. No one looks at me in real life though, which is why I resorted to internet dating.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely ok with being single. I'm not going to cry and feel lonely every single day. But there are times when you need that someone special, and there are times when being on your own gets a bit boring. You know what I mean. I know what I mean. So why in the hell am I incapable of being in a relationship?!?

So, what do you think? Should I keep repeating my vicious circle until I meet the man who makes my stomach flip, or should I make more of an effort to keep things going in the hope of feelings developing later?

I'm Grumpy

2010-07-22T19:09:00.002+01:00

I'm very grumpy today.

You know when you are so annoyed with someone that you can't stop talking about how annoyed they make you, and then you get even more annoyed that they make you that annoyed that you have to talk about it? Yeah, that's me.

There's this girl at work who is (thankfully) only on a temporary contract and is the most annoying person ever. Every little thing about her annoys me. Even things that wouldn't annoy me about other people annoy me about her. A few things she does that annoy me include:

Eating with her mouth open and chewing really loudly
Typing too loudly
Double clicking links that only need one click
Coughing without putting her hand over her mouth
Her stupid hair clip
Wearing short white ankle socks with these fugly pumps
Putting her bag on my desk and sitting in my chair
Not folding her overalls up and instead throwing them wherever she pleases in the office
Bossing people around
The way she answers the telephone
The fact that she knows absolutely nothing

I could go on for a while, but for the sake of my sanity I'll stop. Adgjhsfdgiueyr.

That isn't why I'm grumpy though. I just am. I'm also tired because I didn't get my usual lie in's last weekend because it was my stupid birthday. Well, it wasn't stupid, it was fine. Meh. And my stupid brother refuses to get a job.

I need a cup of tea now.

Forays into internet dating

2010-07-09T22:53:00.003+01:00

So, almost two months ago I joined one of those popular dating sites. I had some completely awful men 'wink' at me, some very unsuitable men email me, and then I had a couple of nice emails, and a couple of nice emails. Eventually I started talking to this guy, and we literally spent three hours every night chatting on msn (I feel so old skool, I haven't even been on msn for a very long time) for about four weeks. We have LOADS in common, from little likes and dislikes to the big things about futures and opinions.

We went out for dinner and spend four solid hours talking ... we were the last ones left in the restaurant. And we also spent a day and evening at a local park, watching wakeboarders, going round a maze, having a picnic and visiting a Buddhist Temple. And still we talked when we got back to our respective homes. Then he said it was my turn to arrange a date, as he had arranged the first two.

So I had a little think about what we could do, and came up with a pretty good idea - going to an event on for one weekend that I had heard about. And I could get tickets through my work. So I get home and later on turn on the laptop and sign in to msn and wait, and wait, and wait. I figured, hey, it's one day, so I sent him a goodnight text message. Next day, heard nothing. Next day, still had heard nothing. Sent a text message asking where he was hiding. Nothing.

So now I'm getting a little bit annoyed. It doesn't take a minute to send someone a courtesy text now, does it? Mutti tells me to cut my losses and move on. I missed the chance to get tickets for the weekend event from work. This guy had turned me into the idiot girl, pining away after someone, repeatedly checking his Facebook, waiting on msn. I am not that girl, and I have never been that girl.

Finally, tonight, he sends me a message saying he's been really busy at the gym and round his sisters. I ignored it. Then he sent me a message on Facebook, then one on msn. Eventually I decided to reply, and now we're talking. Although I have made him aware that I was a bit annoyed at being left in the dark all week. And that I'd made plans for us. I think he's feeling suitably guilty now. But he does say all the right things...

So there are the ins and outs of my first foray into the world of internet dating.

Football Fever

2010-06-12T18:52:00.002+01:00

I like World Cup time. England flags are everywhere. Houses have them proudly dangling out of windows (except ours - Vati says 'we don't live on a council estate'. He's no fun), cars have the little ones on their doors, businesses have them everywhere. I drove past a street today with banners everywhere, and stickers on the street sign. I dusted off my shirt from four years ago, and draped a flag around the dog. Everyone is united in our desire for England to win. Everyone is united in the knowledge that we won't, but we're going to hope anyway. Football Fever is here, and the whole country revels in it.

Our first match kicks off in half an hour. So now I am off out to watch England (hopefully) thrash the USA.

I'm like a bona fide teacher

2010-06-09T19:49:00.002+01:00

I still like work. A lot. My boss has given me the OK to mark assignments, so last night I was up until midnight reading through students work to hand back to them this morning. I got there eventually. It was a pain in the arse, but actually kind of cool to have actual responsibilities. And I'm going on a course soon. A real, career progressing course. If someone had told me a year ago I would be in this place right now, I would have laughed them out of the room.

My friend's wedding is in just over a week. I wasn't going to spend any money on this, wearing a dress and shoes I have only worn twice before. But then I needed a fascinator (£20) and a clutch bag (£25) and a necklace (£18) and a belt (£8) and then I am getting my hair done on the day and suddenly I seem to have spent rather a lot... Never mind. Oh and I have yet to get them a wedding present, because they don't have a list as they already have everything! So I am forced to dust off the cobwebs and use my imagination. Who knows what they will end up with.

I've also made a foray into internet dating... maybe I'll tell you more about that later ;)

2008 - 2010

2010-06-01T22:03:00.004+01:00

So, what with the three blogs I follow now being on Blogger and me having my old Blogger account to sign in to to post comments, it just seems easier that I revert back to this old thing. Check out my old posts from two years ago. I was such an idiot. And in two years I'll probably say the same thing when I read this one.

There is a lot I could tell you about. I never covered our General Election and the issues it threw up. But you know what, old Gordy is out of office, and it's all good. It's amazing now I work in the public sector, things like elections and politics and government actually affect me.

I could tell you the story about how the dog ran home from the park when he lost sight of my brother and thought he'd been abandoned, and how a few days later someone from the village said they had seen the dog sat waiting to cross the road at the zebra crossing. I swear that dog is so intelligent, he is just like a little person.

I could tell you about chasing goats in order to catch them and clip their feet and this one amazing catch I made. I could tell you about the dog show I organised and ran at work. I could tell you about the showhomes I looked round with my mother to steal design ideas.

I could tell you about how I travelled for two and a half hours to stay with my old university friends for one night and how we went to a car boot sale and I bought a couple of books I really wanted and then we went and watched SATC2 and ate a lovely Sunday roast.

I could tell you about all that and lots more, but it's bed time now.

Toodles.

No Title

2008-05-08T01:54:00.000+01:00

http://feetfloorgo.wordpress.com

Is where I am now at.

Saying Goodbye

2008-05-04T19:34:00.001+01:00

I'm thinking about saying goodbye to blogspot. Perhaps moving to wordpress. Me and blogspot disagree with each other sometimes, and I can't seem to work anything out!

Watch this space.

Type A or Type B?

2008-05-02T23:46:00.000+01:00

I never ever thought of myself as being laid back or easy going, but since I went to university that's all I ever get told! People always say to me 'oh, you don't get worried about exams, you're so laid back!' or 'I wish I was as laid back as you' and so on. The people whose children I babysit always tell me they think I'm great with the kids as I'm so easy going. But, am I? How is it a select group of people (ie, my uni mates) think I am like this, when people I have known for 15+ years (my home and school friends) don't think this? I don't even think this! My parents certainly don't think this. Is it different situations that cause different traits in me to appear? Perhaps I am a lot more laid back when I am living away from home; I'm kind of my own master then, no one disapproves of my actions or rings me when I'm home later than 4 (not that I'm some sort of wildchild out every night or doing scandelous things in alleyways. I'm a very good girl).

My mother certainly doesn't bring out my laid back side. Today for instance, it was on/off sunny/rainy, and while we were having lunch it started to rain. My mum gets all in a panic about the washing that's on the line outside, and demands that we run out and get it ALL in. And she'd just done about 3 loads as me and my brother are home for the bank holiday weekend (although, none of the washing was mine) so there was LOADS on the line. First, I have to find some shoes to wear. I keep all my shoes in my room. We are not allowed to keep our shoes by the back door, but we are allowed to keep some in the utility, although I choose not to to give my mother less to complain about. So I run in the utility and find a pair of my brother's trainers. I am a size 5, he is a size 11.5 ... slight different, but thats tough. And i pull on my dads massive work coat to match too. After all those shennanigans, I peg it up the garden to the washing line and start piling things in the basket. But it's not good enough, I am pulling things off in the wrong order! You would've thought that any order would have been fine, given how much it was raining, but everthing has to be done just-so. And this got me STRESSED. As did the fact I couldn't make her tea with just the right amount of milk in it. I know this is a stupid example, but I sort of feel like whenever I'm at home that nothing I do is good enough for her. Lord knows I love her to pieces, but when is she going to realise that I am not going to do everything perfectly? Really, she should've realised a long time ago when I was a teenager.

So, I hate being judged by my mother, but I hate being labelled by my housemates and friends at uni. Just because I am not openly moaning to EVERYBODY about how terrible life is and the constant stress I'm under does not mean that I am not feeling it! Just because I manage to smile and make time to enjoy 30 minutes of trashy TV does not mean that I am not under pressure to write an assignment or study for an exam. Or when I talk about something other than work, does not mean I am not secretly worrying about it.

You may think from this post that I am an awful hypocrite. I moan about my housemates moaning. I stress that other people are stressing. But I cannot honestly remember ANY time that I have sat down with anyone and told them this. And that, I think, is the difference between me ... and the stresslings.

I suppose this isn't making a lot of sense, but I think my problem is that people aren't able to keep some things to themselves. I don't make my problems other people's business unless I really really want to or have to, and I sort of wish that other people, or at least, the people I live with, were the same. Unreasonable? Possibly. Am I a total bitch for wanting some peace? Possibly. I don't see the point in worrying over this you can't change, so I don't understand why other people do. Perhaps I need to be more tolerant, to listen to people more and to try and seem interested in other peoples problems. Although, at this moment in time, I think that is beyond me.

I feel better for typing this load of nonsense. Hey, I'm only young! I got a lot to learn yet.

Spring Is Here!

2008-04-27T14:43:00.000+01:00

Yay! I feel like all of a sudden I just opened my eyes and POW! spring is here! It's warmer, blossom is starting to bloom, it's light until about 9pm ... it's just so lovely!

Today I am writing my last ever assignment for my degree. Scary ... sort of. Since I handed in 'The Beast' I have been taking it easy, and it's going to be so hard to get back into gear for this and to revise. My exams are finished by 20th May, which is cool. Summer ball is on the 30th of May. Possibly staying here for a week into June, could be going to see 3 Doors Down (although this is something of a remote possibility), and also have to sell all my furniture. I'd really like to sell it while I am down here so my dad doesn't have to hire a van and take it all back to our house. Plus I don't want him lifting anything as he's going to have an operation on his spine in (hopefully) a little over a week.

But, other than that, things are going well.

:-D

Back to Life

2008-04-21T12:20:00.000+01:00

Well, my long and relaxing Easter holidays have finally come to and end. I drove back to uni yesterday, then me and 2 housemates and another friend made a lovely presentation for a lecture today. It'll be good to see everyone again, especially as I now only have a few weeks left with these people :( I'm especially going to miss one of my housemates, and more importantly, her puppy, cosmo.

I've actually a busy last few days. On thursday I went and visited my grandparents ... poor old grandpa doesnt remember who I am anymore. Then me and my dad rearranged the furniture in my room and put some shelves and stuff up. Tiring. Then on Friday me and my mum went shopping. I went and had a bra fit and found I'd been wearing completely the wrong size ahaa! 70% of women in the UK wear the wrong size. I was wearing a 34A, and am now a 30C! Hilarious! So I bought all the bras I could find in that size (6). And I bought some jeans as well. When I sent a message to my most favouritist housemate, she then went and got measured the next day and was also wearing the wrong size! Hee.

Saturday I went and visited my nan (and her fiance, so weird), and on the way home stopped off at a shopping outlet, but didn't buy anything. Then that night I babysat for the twinnies down the road. So sweet, but tell porkies like nobody's business! I read them a story and put them to bed (sadly not at their normal bedtime lol) and watched American Pie 2 and tried to do some work. And yesterday ... drove 100 miles back to uni. That's it!

Am researching trips and volunteer projects for my year out. So exciting!

I'm gonna feel it tomorrow!

2008-04-16T20:21:00.000+01:00

Continuing with my positive theme, today I went cycling. The beauty of still being on Easter holidays (even though Easter was almost a month ago) is that you can wake up when you want. Also, my dad has worked the past 3 nights, so I have to be quiet in the day, so sleeping in means less time for me to accidentally drop things or sneeze loudly. So I wake up at about 10.30, have brekkie, put the washing out on the line, and think ... what can i do now? BIKE RIDE! I went to the far end of my village, followed the rive down to the next village, through that to the next village, through that to the main road from town and back along that to my village. I thought it was a realllllllllllllllly long way, but it turned out to only be 6.16 miles. Took me about half an hour, and I was knackered at the end of it. I felt pretty good when I finished, legs a bit jelly-like but otherwise OK. Now, 8 hours on, my bum is starting to hurt, which means that tomorrow I won't be able to sit down at all!! Excellent.

I've also had a little epiphany regarding my awful dreams ... I need to stop reading horrible books before I go to sleep. Possibly should stick to unscary childrens books? Perhaps colouring books? At any rate, perhaps fewer books about murder. Hopefully that will prevent me having dreams when people die or I'm a gangster. Not my Prison Break dreams though, those are awesome.

Have also made a smoothie for breakfast tomorrow. Home-grown blakberries, honey, yogurt, and banana. Yum yum.

You may have noticed...

2008-04-15T13:55:00.000+01:00

...I've been on a bit of a downer recently. And not for any really obvious reason. So, I want to turn a corner. This post hereby marks the point where I stop with the negativities, and look on the bright side of life!

So, to do this, I think I need to eliminate whats making me blue. Although, some of these things may be a bit difficult. For instance, the other night I had an absolutely TERRIBLE dream where my Nan commited suicide by jumping from a train, and I was standing right next to her when she jumped. But the dream didn't stop there, oh no, we had to go through the whole funeral thing too. It was awful, and I woke up in floods of tears that didn't stop all day. How can I stop dreams like this? perhaps I should search the internet for some sort of pre-sleep mind-clearing technique...

Secondly, staying away from the people who bring me down. Not too easy when you live with one of them! But, it is only for 6 more weeks, and if she annoys me I'll just have to go into my room and put some music on my mp3 player. Or go out for a walk. I'm hoping it won't be too bad now that our dissertations have been handed in, she does stress LOADS.

But, problems have solutions, and I think I'm going to concentrate on solutions now. Here's to the all new and improved me. HAHAHA. We'll see how long it lasts.

I actually cannot wait to get back for my final few weeks of university! Hopefully I've got a few things planned (KOOKS! various themed nights out, summer ball) that will make this last stretch pretty cool! But equally I can't wait to move home for good, get a job and start doing normal 'grown up' things...despite not actually feeling very grown up. And planning what I'm going to do with my year out, and applying for masters courses! Lots of stuff to look forward to!

More exciting adventures to send you to sleep

2008-04-06T18:40:00.000+01:00

Doom and despair.

To continue a theme, I think I should start with the dissertation. It is gone, handed in, nothing else can be done. Which is a shame, because I keep thinking of things I did wrong. And things that could have been better. I think I've thrown away any chance I once had of getting a first class degree. And I only have myself to blame. I feel sick whenever I think about getting it back, but, as I just said, I can't do anything now.

Now I only have a few weeks left of my degree before I am put out in the great wide world. What am I going to do?!?! How can I be expected, at 20 years old, to know how I want to spend the rest of my life? And this stupid road I thought I wanted to take will never earn me enough money to buy a house on my own, which means I will be dependent on a husband/significant other to share a mortgage. NOT a situation I ever wanted to find myself in, and at the current rate, I'll be about 40 before that ever happens.

Time is just moving so fast, and I'm doing so little. And all my hopes and dreams for the future seem to be ... not so much slipping away as ... out of reach, with the likelihood of remaining there. I'm always going to chase them, they will always be there, and I don't want to give up. So I won't, even though the chances of me getting there are slim. I don't think I'm explaining very well. I feel filled with this weird mixture of hopelessness and defiance. Simultaneously downcast and confident.

Got to go, dinner time. Perhaps more musings another time.

12 Days To Go...

2008-03-16T10:55:00.000Z

...until the big hand in! Holy crap, I've hardly done anything. I have yet to finish even ONE section. shiiiite.

Yep, it's still the dissertation. You know, they warn us in October not to leave it until the last minute, so what do I do? Yeah, that's right. Perhaps I should buy my tutor some whiskey as a bribe, I know he appreciated the Terry's Chocolate Orange I bought him a couple of weeks ago...

And what else is new? Absolutely nothing. Haven't even left the house in days. Am beginning to run out of food so a trip to the supermarket is going to have to happen at some point. Well, perhaps I could go tomorrow, I have chicken for dinner tonight and I have enough sauce and noodles (for one :-( ) and i reckon i have enough fish fingers for a couple of days worth of sandwiches. There's crap bread in the freezer. No milk though, and I do like my calcium...

Yeah, I really have nothing to post about. I could moan about one of my housemates, but once I'm on that topic it would be hard to get off!

Welcome to my little corner of the world

2008-02-20T15:30:00.000Z

So, it's 3:30pm, and what have I done today? I woke up at about 9:30, had breakfast and sat in the lounge in my lovely blue pj's that have sheep on them (amazing) and continued the work I was doing until 1am last night. I love being in my final year of university and writing my dissertation... it's fantastic. I have made minimal progress all day, and after eating a sandwich with 6 fish fingers in (piggy) and 2 creme eggs (bigger piggy) and watching neighbours, I am now still sat here (though not in my pj's anymore, thank goodness, as the boiler man came round to fix our heating) with my housemate (who is sleeping) and watching Ed, Edd and Eddy on cartoon network. An impressive day I think you'll agree.

No plans for tonight. One of my housemates is trying to convince me to go out, but I really wanted to have all my data in excel by tomorrow morning for a stats lecture at 8.30, and I just don't feel like going out anyway. Need to save my money.

Also need to decided whether or not to have a joint 21st party with 3 of my friends in the summer...Why can't I just be convinced on one little part of my life? Every decision I have to make I just bungle and put off giving a final answer, which I know is completely unfair to everyone else, but I can't ever find the guts to go one way or the other...